What does China have to do with Africa, anyway?

Asia is actually more of an influence in East Africa than we here are generally aware of. At any rate...

非洲 Fei Zhou; "Don't look fey, Joe."

非 This word has puzzled me. It's pronounced "fei"; are fey people African? Conan? They Might Be Giants? Is Tina Fey African? Sometimes in a big case like this, the English language can only go so far. It's kind of like "UEFA" spelled backwards.

If one looks at the word, it seems like:

Simple and plain, give me the lane...a line from Public Enemy

Clear Channel Communications - a company

A transcendence of the number "3", because 3 looks like: 三

A transcendence of the word "Lan", as appears in the words Scotland, Ireland, Poland, Holland, New England, Swaziland, which used to look a person with a bunch of orchids at the door, like in the song "Just a Friend" by Biz Markie: 兰. Lan is also the word for basketball.

A slam dunk

A ball that finds the gap

A running back that finds the gap

-- English words that sound like "fei" include:

Failure - not an option
Fake - something to do with online poker
Fair - the Town Fair
Fare - subway fare
Fade - West LA Fadeaway; a fadeaway jumper; a fade
Fate - up against your will
Phase - What phase are we in?
Cafe - au lait
Face - a word which in Asian has something to do with ramen, as in "If you have enough money for ramen, it might be a good idea to eat spicy, powerful Kimchi ramen, in order to save face over people eating baked potatoes w/sour cream at the Sizzlers."
Favorite - this is my favorite word.

Pearl Jam sings of "all 5 directions, like the earth to the sun.."

北非 North Africa, like Beijing
南非 South Africa, like Nanjing or South Africa
东非 East Africa, like Tokyo - "Dongjing" in Chinese
西非 West Africa; what city is the "West Capital"? Seattle? Boston?
中非 Central Africa, like the Middle Kingdom

Since North Africa looks like a baby asking for juice, we might as well open a new container.

Since South Africa looks like a letter, we might as well file it in the circular file.

Since East Africa looks like the word for "car", we have to pass this truck.

Since West Africa looks like a bottle, it is time to open a crisp clean budweiser.

Central Africa looks like stepping over something on the sidewalk; a branch, a soda can, a sleeping person.

It always seems to me that when one explains some place name in Chinese, the person who is from there is always expecting the coolest most awesome answer. "It says here that your dad is Humphrey Bogart and your son is Brady Quinn." "No, actually it says that you come from Clown City USA." It is just impossible to keep the conversation going, as Chinese place names are generally like kimchi ramen, kind of funny, kind of spicy. There are always at least two ways to go; cloying or realistically mildly abusive.

New York - Ah, we are finally going to put it all together --- in Clown City.

Los Angeles - The awesomeness of being aware of the world - I think your picnic table is broken.

Chicago - The continent dreams ..... don't wake your big brother.

San Francisco - "Old Gold Mountain" - geriatric misers

Minneapolis - A bright young man....The Music Man

Toronto - That makes so much sense.. .... and the porticullis is closed.

Montreal - The most awesome city of all ..... A band of squalls

Boston - a Tsunami of the new..... No Littering

Atlanta - a very special place ...kind of confusing, actually.

Philadelphia - the Buddhist City ....... of cheapskates

Houston - A resting place in the south ..... snoring through church.

Buffalo - Cow town

The thing of it is, without evidence of the scholarship involved, viz actually reading the names themselves, it becomes an exercise in being happy, like Wordsworth or James Joyce. In the case of reeling off translations like this, it might be nice for a conversation with your ma, but it might get boring like macadamia nuts in a normal setting.